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jammercita [userpic]
my conservative family makes me cry
by jammercita (jammercita)
at April 11th, 2009 (10:34 pm)

Hello, everyone--
I am a soon-to-be college graduate.  I am finishing my studies in anthropology at a small liberal arts college in Texas.  Both sides of my family are very conservative, and I used to be the same.  However, my experiences at college have led me to think/process things in a completely different light, and I consider myself very liberal.
My mom and I have a very difficult relationship, and sometimes I'm flat-out scared of her.  I don't know if this is because I struggle with depression/anxiety/ADD, or if I should really be frightened of her.  Right now, we're going through an okay phase, but she keeps trying to convert me back to the ultra-conservative, Faux News-brand of close-minded East Texas redneck bumpkinism I grew up in.  She continues to tell me that everything is wrong--my faith (also very liberal, Jesus-ism), my politics, my education, and my way of thinking.  I am a month away from having a degree from a top-tier liberal arts college in a field that I completely enjoy; I feel alive and a part of a community for the first time ever.  I want to go to grad school, travel the world, be a famous muck-raking journalist, rehabilitator for torture survivors, bleeding-heart liberal academic, and city-dweller--the antithesis of everything I was brought up to be by my family, but the summation of everything I feel made to be.
I'm the type of person who has to think through one's thoughts (I'm sure you've caught on by now, haha), and sometimes my ideas come up in conversation with her (if I don't talk to her, she shows up on my doorstep demanding to know what's wrong with me).  I am in tears tonight because my mom hates who I've become and tells me that college/academia/Satan has destroyed my mind and that I'm screwed up.  She has even implied that my mental illness is caused by being liberal.  I'm searching for a next-step for my life following next month's graduation.  I've been in school for seventeen years--I don't know anything else--and I'm trying to become my own person.  However, the person who raised me tells me the Me I've become is sinful, a screw-up, not okay, and too flawed to make anything out of.  I'm a definite pro at existential crises, and this is becoming one of them because my mother is so insistent with her ideology, and I'm so sensitive that I can't not listen to it.
If any of you have any advice, ideas for a job, or good jokes, feel free to reply.
Peace.

Comments

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: May 23rd, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
dont follow

you family is your backbone, but some time or another you have to be snapped from that backbone. It's difficult and extremely painful with remorse that never goes away but eventually you'll hopefully reach a peaceful state of mind knowing you made the right decision. because really think of what you would become if you chose your family! a hick houseparent dedicating life to bratty hick kids and not achiveing anything successful and disposing everything you slowly built in your educated life. be free.

-a fellow liberal trapped in a conservative community

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: September 25th, 2009 01:07 am (UTC)
Peace be with you, Jammercita

I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be, to have thoughts, hopes and aspiration for life and future yet unable share those thoughts and joys with your mother. Who doesn't look forward to the days of family gathering when we rest life's weariness in their unconditional loving and caring embrace? I really do not know what to say, Jammercita; one day your parents will not be around, but you will still have to live.

Regards, John Debba

Posted by: ((Anonymous))
Posted at: August 21st, 2010 07:11 pm (UTC)
they don't own you

They may have made you, fed you and raised you. They may love you. You may love them. But the negativity and the need to control your value system is something that you are going to have to not let into yourself. Go live in a big city, go get an awesome job and support yourself and figure out who YOU are. Over time you will find that your mother is a woman who is defining herself by words like conservative and Republican. She is still a person and your mother. And knowing what you believe is very important as well, but defining yourself by your liberalness does not really tell who you are. You are a woman and a daughter. It is your life and you get to decide what that looks like. Try not to let anyone else define you and take your Mom's words with a grain of salt. See your potential and make a life that YOU would be proud of

Posted by: punkinspice333 (punkinspice333)
Posted at: September 13th, 2016 02:30 pm (UTC)
Living with Conserative parents

Leave as soon as you can. Hitch hike across the country or world, create a start up with friends.You must escape their influence. Seek freedom from all conservative bigots. Go where you are appreciated not looked down upon for your progressive values. That is what I did and now I no longer have to hear them railing about liberals being the real racists or their so called earnings going to liberal causes. Good riddance conservative idiots.

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