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She of the Accordion Ass [userpic]
by She of the Accordion Ass (burned_rose)
at February 13th, 2006 (12:21 am)

My dad just sent me this ridiculous email. So I wrote a response.



1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no Art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving @#$% SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is some how qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that outdoorsmen don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.




21 WAYS TO BE A GOOD Republican

1. You have to be for punishing criminals, no matter what law they break, but demand that women reproduce more members of society to replace those that you are killing.

2. You have to beleive that the government is nothing more than a business and run it as corrupt as the idiots at ENRON ran their business

3. You have to beleive that guns in the hands of anyone are an awesome idea - even though your own vice president just shot a man in the face during a hunting accident.

4. You don't even know what art is.

5. You must ignore the fact that science proves that there is a growing hole in the ozone layer and that soccer moms driving their SUV's are some of the most enviormentally friendly car-drivers around.

6. You have to beleive in the fact that people of the same sex can never love each other - this includes gays, lesbians, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc etc.

7. You beleive that the AIDS virus is just a myth spread by the obviously left-wing media.

8. You think that kids will never ever, in their entire lives, engage in sex before marriage, therefore education on preventing the AIDS myth, as well as preventing those liberal abortions is uncalled for and goes against God's will. After all, Mary already used the Immaculate conception excuse - that can't be used again.

9. You beleive that everyone who lives in a major city are crazy liberals.

10. You have to prop up your own fragile self esteem by continuously depressing others self esteem

11. You think that all liberals hated The Passion of the Christ. You think that liberals think that Mel Gibson used $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ and kept every last penny made off of his film.

12. You think the ACLU supports only "certain parts" of the Constitution.

13. You try to lower taxes in order to demolish the national debt.

14. You don't know who Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are. You don't know who President and General Ulysses S. Grant was.

15. You beleive that you are an oppressed upper class white male.

16. You have to believe that Arnold Schwartzenager is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason fascism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe that a man who lied about weapons of mass destruction, wire tapping, reasons for going to war, drug and alcohol abuse, and is also a hypocrite for having forced his former girlfriend into getting an abortion (while being staunchly prolife) makes for a fantastic, truthful president, but that a man who receives a blowjob should have his sexual life publicized.

19. You have to believe that it is OK to release classified information, if the reason is to get revenge upon an ambassador who publicly disclosed adinistration lies regarding the reason for war, yet it is wrong to release classified information when the President is dictatorially breaking federal law to override checks and balances.

20. You have to believe that it is in the best interest of the United States to be directly aligned with the KKK, Neo-Nazis, and to exercise nation building, and, in the process, create an aggressive Osama bin Laden.

21. You have to buy all the talking points that right-wing blowhards repeat at you, ad nauseum, and worship overpaid radio fools who are content to label you as a copy of themselves.



x-posted to some friendly liberal places. Feel free to share

Comments

Posted by: Jess (aphephobia)
Posted at: February 14th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
Question, too

And... why does everyone hate Hilary Clinton? Sure, her husband was a bit of a shithead, but at least she's not, I dunno, Trent Lott or someone. To my knowledge, she hasn't said anything wildly offensive or done anything particularly rotten.

Posted by: Marriage Iguana (sweetchild92)
Posted at: February 19th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Question, too
toilteanas

but hey, he was a damn good president

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