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jammercita [userpic]
my conservative family makes me cry
by jammercita (jammercita)
at April 11th, 2009 (10:34 pm)

Hello, everyone--
I am a soon-to-be college graduate.  I am finishing my studies in anthropology at a small liberal arts college in Texas.  Both sides of my family are very conservative, and I used to be the same.  However, my experiences at college have led me to think/process things in a completely different light, and I consider myself very liberal.
My mom and I have a very difficult relationship, and sometimes I'm flat-out scared of her.  I don't know if this is because I struggle with depression/anxiety/ADD, or if I should really be frightened of her.  Right now, we're going through an okay phase, but she keeps trying to convert me back to the ultra-conservative, Faux News-brand of close-minded East Texas redneck bumpkinism I grew up in.  She continues to tell me that everything is wrong--my faith (also very liberal, Jesus-ism), my politics, my education, and my way of thinking.  I am a month away from having a degree from a top-tier liberal arts college in a field that I completely enjoy; I feel alive and a part of a community for the first time ever.  I want to go to grad school, travel the world, be a famous muck-raking journalist, rehabilitator for torture survivors, bleeding-heart liberal academic, and city-dweller--the antithesis of everything I was brought up to be by my family, but the summation of everything I feel made to be.
I'm the type of person who has to think through one's thoughts (I'm sure you've caught on by now, haha), and sometimes my ideas come up in conversation with her (if I don't talk to her, she shows up on my doorstep demanding to know what's wrong with me).  I am in tears tonight because my mom hates who I've become and tells me that college/academia/Satan has destroyed my mind and that I'm screwed up.  She has even implied that my mental illness is caused by being liberal.  I'm searching for a next-step for my life following next month's graduation.  I've been in school for seventeen years--I don't know anything else--and I'm trying to become my own person.  However, the person who raised me tells me the Me I've become is sinful, a screw-up, not okay, and too flawed to make anything out of.  I'm a definite pro at existential crises, and this is becoming one of them because my mother is so insistent with her ideology, and I'm so sensitive that I can't not listen to it.
If any of you have any advice, ideas for a job, or good jokes, feel free to reply.
Peace.

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